In The Found *NSYNC Fan Fiction Radio Hour, we chronologically read aloud pages of one author's *NSYNC fan fiction, from a binder found at a thrift store. As usual, we question the author’s grammatical choices, enjoy irrelevant notes in the margins, all the while Sacha accompanies us on his keyboard.
In this episode, Joey Fatone and Kelly (the narrator of the story) drive down to Florida to reunite with the rest of the members of *NSYNC at the band’s compound, looking forward to sharing the news about Kelly’s pregnancy with Joey’s parents. Once there, some kind of trainer or choreographer named Wade is subjecting *NSYNC to extreme workouts, yet Joey still finds the energy to enthusiastically flirt with Kelly. In order to give our full attention to both performing the text from the binder and hash out exactly what is going on, we make our way through potent caffeinated beverages from New Wave Cafe in Logan Square in Chicago. We postulate a new theory about the origins of the material in the binder, and it’s a doozy! Plus! New found notes in the margins that lead to hot leads and speculation about the anonymous author!
Also in this episode: Picardy thirds, lime Jello-cream cheese dessert with Vitamix, fan fiction read ASMR-style, Chicago street sweepers, the usual puzzling choice of stage direction placement in the text, I’m Not a Girl Not Yet a Woman as a proposed national anthem, platinum edging, “I can feel you breathe” on the inside of ring, Silent Night as background music, Connie Chung’s meltdown, murder ballads, the notion that there is a higher probability of the binder being written by an artificial intelligence than Lance from *NSYNC actually being entertaining to anybody, a town in Illinois called Kenilworth.
We said we’d post a picture of something we couldn’t read. We think it might say, “Thanks for the saxe.” is it possible the writer spelled sex wrong? You be the judge.